Voyage

In one week and two months, I will be boarding a plane for Australia, wherein I will study at the National Institute of Circus Arts in Melbourne.


Heck yeah.

happy belated two years

Let's do a time warp.

It's now Monday, the 5th.

Happy 2 year anniversary, self!

Love,
Victoria

statement

Things directed toward various people who will never know:

I think it was a really really bad idea, but I wish I could undo it all for you because now you know it's a bad idea.

You're a skank.

Yes, I want you. Like that.

Whenever I think about that, I feel like I was raped. I hate you for that.

I don't love you at all. I just tell myself I do.

You are gorgeous.

What you did was terrible, and I don't forgive you.

You creep me out. I kind of wish I didn't see you as much.

If I was a lesbian, I would ask you out right now.

I need to see you.

I still think you're attractive, and I love that you're a bad boy, but you are the worst kisser on God's green earth.

I'm okay with that dream you had.

I feel comfortable with you.

You told me something once that weirded me out. It was an awkward situation, but I don't think you knew that.

Are you married to him?

IT'S SUCH A BAD IDEA!

You are amazingly attractive. I had the biggest crush on you.

I miss you.

I don't want you.

I'm scared to see you again.

I am really intimidated by you because I think you are an amazing person. I loved how you touched me.

I will wait for you forever.

I think you're misunderstanding my intentions. I'm not flirting with you at all. At all.

You are so pure, I never want to see anything change that.

Your mother amazes me.

I used to be in love with you.

I feel so special that you trust me. Thank you.

I am in absolute awe of you. You amaze me. I have no idea how you do it. You have been through so much, and I will forever respect you for that.

Thank you for joke flirting with me. I'd been having kind of a downer day, and I really appreciated that. As weird as it is, even though you're a young gay man, that kiss on my forehead felt like my mom's, and I really needed that then.

I am so embarrassed that I mixed your girlfriend up with your sister.

unraveled

Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cell phone? No

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Amazing

3. Your hair? Static

4. your mother? Pained

5. Your father? Dunno

6. Your favorite thing? People

7. Your dream last night? Satisfying

8. Your favorite drink? Milk

9. Your dream car? Drives

10. The room you're in? Enclosed

11. Your ex? Charismatic

12. Your fear? Sadness

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Married

14. Who did you hang out with last night? Me

15. What you're not? Dead

16. Muffins? Chocolate

17. One of your wish list items? Panties

18. Where you grew up? Sweet

19. The last thing you did? Unraveled

20. What are you wearing? Warm

21. Your TV? Seinfeld

22. Your pet? Alex

23. Your computer? Thor

24. Your life? Skin

25. Your mood? Alfredo

26. Missing? Food

27. What are you thinking about right now? Pain

28. Your car? Zoom

29. Your work? School

30. Your summer? Love

31. Your relationship status? Adored

32. Your favorite color? Grurple

33. When is the last time you laughed? Today

34. Last time you cried? Thumb

35. School? Soon

lists of

Things I don't like:
Being really happy when someone you love is really sad.
Not being able to do anything when they're sad.
Being impaired.
Kotex.
Day by day calendars.
Waiting.
Tampax. (Why do a lot of tampon brands have x's? Tampax, Kotex, Playtex...?)
Eating.
When a TV show I'm really into ends with "To be continued..."
Being away from people I love.
Bathrobes. By themselves, on me, or on anybody else.
Sleeping alone.
Figuring out my morals.
Finishing a book.
Keeping my own secrets.
Not being able to be everywhere.
Technology when it fails.
Just getting into bed and being all cozy and then realizing you have to get out to turn out the light/brush your teeth/go to the bathroom/anything at all.
Invasion of my personal space.
Pens that don't write well.
Ambivalence.
When the hall/hall bathroom smells weird.
The fact that there is no forward delete on this computer.
Messes.
The format of certain things.
Not knowing what else to say.
Being acutely aware of silence.

Things I like:
Love
Deciding to stay in for the night to read or watch a movie.
Late night conversations.
Silence.
Snuggling with stuffed animals.
Touching people.
The fact that immediately following when I wrote "The fact that there is no forward delete on this computer" I figured out how to do it, so now I do.
Skin.
Being upside down.
Being clean.
Dance partners who lead.
Laughing.
Pictures.
Face/body paint/artists.
Vivid dream, even when it's not a good dream.
The fact that I just figured out how to do end also.
Interesting forms of hot chocolate.
Being admired.
Dancing.
The fact that I did a perfect aerial.
Blues. Not blue, but the shades and hues of blue that exist.
Being able to touch my pinkie and thumb together.
Reading.
Boys.
Opportunities.
Nails painted all different colors.
Developing new friendships with people you've known for a while.
Becoming friends with a person who you first saw and went "man, I wish I could be friends with that person."
Noses.
Talking to myself.
Memories.
Fantastic parodies on YouTube.
Making lists.

(SIGHT)
what color are your eyes?: brown
do you wear glasses/contacts?: no
describe something beautiful to you: multicolored nails
someone you know who has beautiful eyes: this guy i just met, dan
first physical aspect you notice on the opposite sex: be honest!: their chest and waist
if you could see anyone or anything right now, who/what would it be? him

(SMELL)
do you like your nose?: yes, a lot actually
what does your hair smell like?: clean
what is your favorite scent from everyday life?: boys
if you use perfume/cologne, what kind?: strawberry
who do you know that smells the best?: him

(SOUND)
what kind of music do you like to listen to?: happy
name a song that is special at this moment in time: she is
are you a good singer?: i think so but no.
do you play an instrument?: yeah
which spoken language sounds the best?: italian
favorite everyday life sound?: laughter
least favorite everyday life sound?: the girl across the hall's laugh
of the people you know, who has the best-sounding voice?: my brother

(TASTE)
favorite food?: right now, pizza
favorite drink?: chocolate milk
do you have a tongue/lip piercing?: no.
what are your thoughts on coffee?: i like the smell more than the taste
the worst taste you have ever encountered?: alcohol
would you eat something disgusting for money?: maybe

(TOUCH)
do you consider yourself touch-sensitive?: extremely
do you like people touching you?: i love people touching me
are you ticklish and if so, where?: not really
which are better: hugs or kisses?: both, from everyone
who was the last person you touched?: him
who do you wish you could reach out and touch right now?: callum or him
favorite material to touch?: skin

colors

Very true as of late.

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's Your Power Color?

In other news, I just recently learned the depths of how wonderful friendship can be. (Or maybe I was just reminded.) Someone did something last night that I didn't ask or even suggest they do. I was upset and came to them seeking release and comfort, and this person took my hurt and did something about it in a way that I never would. It surprised me a lot, but at the same time it made me feel so safe. Safe in that they wanted to protect me, and safe in that they would do something about it, safe in my love and security of friendship. I'm protected. And it startles me just how amazing people can be.