cinnamon love

An apple pie with a cut out heart.

A huge grin.

Big clear eyes.

And BUCKETS of love.

Boys are such skanks.

Heh, and that comment will mislead so many people...

I REALLY need a good recipe for apple pie. It's Memorial Day and I have nothing to do. Consequently...OH MOM"S LEAVBING

glow

It's the strangest sensation. A warm glow starting in my throat and heart, beginning as that feeling of when you don't know what you want to do, but you know it's either scream or laugh or cry or just make a loud noise and you know it's good. And it is presently expanding, filling my every being. My limbs are tingling warm like when you've been sitting close to the fire and it prickles your face or when you've been out in the sun and you can feel it warming every cell in your body deep down.

And it's probably as a result of being so near to something so special. My mind feels full and light and I don't want to say anything, I just want to exist.

anti-msn

Ok, so I just read this thing on MSN about what women really think about guy's fashion. And I am here to argue against several points, and for a few of my own.
-Briefs are never acceptable. Ever. Man panties just should not happen. Same as thongs.
-Boxer briefs=VERY sexy.
-I love seeing the elastic of a guy's boxers. I don't want to see his whole bum, but I do like the hint of boxer over the pants. Especially on skinny guys where the elastic doesn't dent in the skin.
-The sexiest thing a guy can wear on his legs is a good pair of jeans. Not baggy, but not skin tight. I want to be able to see the hint of outline of butt. Also a goodie: board shorts. Especially on a nice butt.
-Tee shirts are impossibly irresistable when snug around the chest and shoulders and then relaxed around the waist. I love when a shirt hugs the shoulder blades, but does not touch in between them.
-Button up shirts are nearly always acceptable. Under the given circumstances, they are always acceptable. 1) The sleeves are rolled up 2) it's tucked in 3) it fits properly 4) the first two buttons are left open exposing the hollow of the neck and 5) a wooden bead necklace. Bonus points if the guy has all of them, and on one of his wrists is a leather bracelet.
-Sneakers go with pants. Fun sneakers are a plus.
-Flip flops go with cargo shorts. (And cargo shorts are the ONLY shorts.)
-Cargo shorts, the hint of boxer, no shirt and wooden necklace...another winner.
-Good sunglasses. Cannot go wrong.
-I don't really care about piercings. I would rather kiss an unpierced mouth, guys look weird with nose piercings and I don't really care either way with eyebrows. For ears, a tiny subtle hoop. Gold or silver depends on the skin type. A stud is decent too. The key is SUBTLE. None of that hedious enormous rocks. Small. Preferably without jewel, but if one is necessary, a clear one (diamond or crystal) and again, SMALL.
-Chest hair=no, happy trail=yes, providing it's not a shag rug strip. Dark brown hair is exceptionally sexy, more so than black.
-Interesting, unique, or otherwise strange belts are encouraged.
-So are simple wallet chains. (NOT LONG THOUGH. If it hangs down to your knees, it's too long. Shorten it an inch or two.)
-Boys smell best when they: it depends. I love the ex boyfriend's after shave, I love the ex boy toy's Axe, and I love present boyfriend's skin. I have no idea what his scent is but I love it. Smell also depends on the male. Steve for example, smells like warm exotic incense and spice. And it's incredible. Chris smells like the boy next door. I do like Axe, and I do like Tag, providing a male does not bathe in it. Spray into the air and then walk through the mist (most effective when male does it shirtless.) The result? When a girl gets close, she smells something that makes her lean closer into male to better smell it. Cue breaking of the physical barrier. I am an avid supporter of guys being aware of their shampoo smell. Especially because:
-I like guys with shaggy hair.
-I do not like kissing guys with facial hair (OUCH), although some boys look cute with a bit of sexy rugged scruff. (Tamed though, which means shaping of it so the hair doesn't crawl down the neck.)
-Boys pajama pants (plaid) make boys butts look good. A shirtless boy in pajama pants wandering around the hall will have me following. Snug tee shirt acceptable as well.
-Tuxedos are not exceptionally sexy. Actually, they're not sexy at all. Some males may look good in them. I prefer suits. Pinstripe. Black, navy, or gray. With a solid color silk tie. The shirt can be interesting to express individuality.

And that's all I feel like doing.

because

Because I was always one of those shy quiet kids who was so impressed with the older kids and how secure they were with themselves, and how confident they were in their beliefs, how brave in their ability to exist proudly. So impressed with how they could be funny, and I would linger on the fringe of their presence feeling glorious for just being there, and practically exploding from pride at being invited in and listened to. From watching how mature they were and seeing how incredibly untouchably talented they are. Because I assumed I'd never understand the things they talked about. Because how seeing them hold hands at the carnival melted my heart and represented true love to me.

Because I'm now one of those kids. Because a girl who is now one of my friends use to watch me come on the bus and she thought "Woah. She is so cool." Because people look up to me, and I don't even think I know why. Because people think I'm the greatest dancer and I think they're crazy for thinking that because I know I'm not. But because they respect me, and because I respect them. Because I know what true love is and I know what true pain is, but most importantly, love. Because I have someone to hold hands with and I know that leaving him is going to be one of the most painful things in the world which is why this very moment is the only time I have ever let myself indulge in the pain of that future. The fact that I really am in love. Because now that feeling of pride comes when someone is able to open up to me about how they used to feel about me because that can be scary. Because I have had a crowd around me as I talk about how I wish the world was, and my visions of sugar life and love made people smile and they wanted to be around me. And I truly felt cool. And not cool as in the idea of the in crowd or anything stupidly shallow like that. No, cool as in interesting, someone that people want to be around. Inside, I know I haven't changed, and I love me like I always have. But on the outside, people are treating me in ways that I never expect, and I don't know why that is.

Today it was said of me that I'm always on task and focused, and the image was painted of complete and utter chaos, while I sit focused on what I'm supposed to be. The eye of the storm in the insanity. Of someone who devoted myself to something I couldn't do. And this came as a surprise, because I didn't think anyone would notice. I know I can be quiet and I will often refrain from stupidity, but I just considered it "good rehearsal etiquette." But I never knew it was noticed, I felt myself fading back into the chair as a passive personality in the room, and yet somehow I ended up sticking out as a dominant personality, something which astounds me.

It's strange to grow up. Or maybe grow older without growing up, I'm not really sure which.

this is the song that goes like this

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay..."

Friday was prom and I don't know if I know enough words to talk about it. I was with the most handsome boy in the world, and I love him so hard that it's nearly tangible. The look in his eyes, the smile dancing on his mouth, (the fact that he called me just then), his careless hair, his restless hands covering mine, his fingers gentle in the curve of my back. We danced all night and I forgot there were other people there. He took my hand to pull me onto the floor for our first slow dance and I can't even remember what it was, only that I was in his arms and in love. How he wanted to go into the photobooth, although he would have never told me he did. How he wanted to play and *sigh*. :) Joy.

it's easy as 1, 2, 3

A - Act your age? Yep. Sometimes older, sometimes younger. I have a young spirit.

B - Born on what day of week? Monday? I don't really know.

C -Chore you hate: Emptying the wastebaskets

D - Dad's name: Doug

E - Essential make-up item: Chapstick! And an eyelash curler.

F - Favorite actor: Carey Elwes.

G - Gold or silver? Platinum, baby.

H - Have any pet peeves? People clearing their throats, sharing information on their bodily functions, my nails not being the same length.

I - Instruments you play: Flute.

J - Job title: Student.

K - Kids? No, but I will have many someday!

L - Living arrangements: With 'rents. Dorm next year!

M - Mom's name: M'caire.

N - Number of people you've slept with: None.

O - Opinionated? Extremely.

P - Phobia: Spiders and losing those I love

Q - Quote: "It [craziness]'s you or me amplified"-Girl, Interrupted

R - Religious affiliation: N/A

S - Siblings? My bot.

T - Time you wake up: 9.13 am

U - Underwear preference: Panties. Low rise string bikini.

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Lima beans.

W - Worst habit: Cracking my body.

X - X-Rays you've had: Minus dental? One. For my wrist, which wasn't broken.

Y - Yummy food you make: Pancakes! And sweet things.

Z - Zodiac sign: Aries.

new

It's strange when you learn things about your friends that you would not have known no matter how many years you knew them for.