hey folks, and welcome back to the victoria show. haven't updated in a few days, and it's high time I did! here are today's topics.
1) college
COLLEGE! yeah, so yesterday i-well, mom- got this thing in the mail that mentioned that I've been accepted to Post University and if I chose to attend, will receive a $20,000 scholarship, laptop, and first semester of books free. Fantastic deal! I'm not going. But still, considering how I didn't apply, that's a goal accomplished!
2) poetry
Go figure. So last night I needed to relax so I took a bubble bath and read. When I got out, I wrote down some poetry (which I'll be adding as soon as I feel like it.) and I haven't written in a while. (obviously.) It was a weird feeling, writing down pictures. I kinda liked it, all alone. Anyway. So, as if through some form of precognition, Ms. Chapman catches me in class to ask if I still write poetry, to which I hesitated and said, "well...a little." She asked me and Sarah if we'd be interested in doing a poetry thing for this event the women's center is doing. I found this incredibly flattering that she would pick me out. I mean, I really don't write much, and I certainly don't share it at all because I don't think I'm that fantastic a writer. Mom tells me I am all the time, and that it's having an amazing writer like Sarah as my best friend that makes me doubt myself, but I really just think that writing for me is really really personal, and I have a kind of hard time sharing myself with people. I'd like to share with my english teachers, but it's just a little TOO personal. I feel like there's a line I can't cross, or I'm not mature enough, and my writing'll just end up being like an immature piece of bleh. And I'm far too much of a perfectionist for that.
3) bubble bath
As previously mentioned, I took a bubble bath last night. Too hot water sinking hot fangs into hot blood and hot skin. A meditation of sorts. Speaking of which, I need to do my laundry.
4) baird
Is coming for Christmas vacation, and I'm SO excited! Sarah has swim practice on the 28th (our anniversary) and she didn't know what Baird was gonna do, and then I'm like, HELLO! I'll babysit Baird! And it might actually turn into a big party that Sarah'll join up with. I'm excited to see him again, though.
5) christmas shopping
YAY! I have somethign to look forward to this weekend! Christmas shopping at the mall with Sarah and Kelyn and AJ! :D YAY! And free panties at Victoria's Secret. (What a sweet Christmas gift to myself!)
6) jordan
I got to talk to him last night! Called him up cuz he was having girlfriend confusions and it was just so nice to talk to him. I wanted to give him a really really big hug cuz I love him.
7) aj and love.
I believe I'm in love with him. I do love him, and I have not told him, because I didn't want to throw around love carelessly. But while we were cuddling in my car on Sunday, I nearly told him I loved him. I thought about it later and reasoned it may have simply been the moment. And then yesterday I went online and was about to type in "I LOVE YOU!" because I felt all gushy, but again, I refrained. And then today, I was telling him how I got into Post University, and he was happy and smiley and kissed me and then stood up and we had a super good hug and I AGAIN nearly said into his ear "I love you." And you know what they say...three times you're out. And I think it needs to come out. This is the third time I nearly told him and without conciously thinking, and I always said that when you think of the person and think "I love them" without meaning to, then it is love. So I think I will tell him, and it feels sorta silly to make something out of that, I don't want it to sound like a marriage proposal or anything, but I think he loves me too. In fact, I know as much as I can without him telling me that he loves me. I'm so excited that he exists. :) He makes me happy every single day. And today, I just feel light and free. Easy, lucky, free.
