coffee sweetened with love

I was doing work and then left to go get (well, primarily more coffee) food at Saga, and left an away message up that said "Victoria needs more coffee". I've been back for almost 20 minutes, and finally stopped stalling and opened up the word document I'd been working on. I noticed that instead of the 2 open docs that I had, there are now three. I open up the mysterious third, and this is what it says:

No, Victoria needs more AWESOME.

Oh, wait…that isn’t possible, I forgot…Victoria is filled to the brim with awesome already. Can we make her overflow?

I’m having way too much fun typing this…

LOVE! :D Hope you feel better (you seemed a little…out-of-it before…) But anyway, it’s never a bad thing to feel better than one does, ne?

:)

~Julia

Hehehehe. It's great how much one little note can make me happy. :) Love notes from the roommate are some of the best notes.

tremors

It's amazing how nothing can make you feel more sick than that silence between words, that pause as something is being thought out. And it's not a pause you can handle, you need the words and thoughts now, the pause just makes it all worse. And the silence is the loudest thing in the world. And it makes you want to die, because behind it could be so many things. And skin prickles against the tension that no one else can see and your insides are insane. And you end up rushing away to do little errands only to sprint back and see no change and you don't know what's worse, staring and waiting, or distracting yourself or hearing it. When your emotions make your body rebel. Prickles, and shaking everywhere. The tiniest strands of muscle vibrate with anxiety, your heart is caving in, you can't think straight you just want to die and you don't even know why yet. And it seems like it will go on forever. And you start to think it might. Because I think it might. Ten minutes. Ten minutes when you're counting every. single. second. It is a lifetime. It is many.

I just wish the silences were shorter, the pauses less thick.

not doing homework...

200 Questions.


200. My middle name is: boisvert
199. I was born on: april 8th, 1988
198. I am a: human, brunnette, dancer, circus freak, upside-downer, daughter, best friend, snuggle buddy, girl, lover
197. My cell phone company: doesn't exist, due to the lack of cell phone
196. My eye color is: crayon brown
195. My shoe size is: average
194. My ring size is: 9, for all fingers in the winter, or 9.5 in the summer
193. My height is: average
192. I am allergic to: stupid questions
191. I was born in: a hospital
190. I live in: CT/MA
189. The last book I read: My Name is Yoon (a little kid book) and I'm reading Call It Sleep right now. Oh, and once I stop procrastinating, I'll be reading a ton of Irish poetry.
188. My bed is: Really squishy, newly clean-sheeted, made, purple, green, and blue
187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: I'm fond of them, they're made of lines.
186. I am glad I'm my sex because: it's prettier, and we're made of curves. (Ah, they'll make a feminist of me yet.)
185. My favorite Holiday is: National Hug Day! January 21
178. The perfect kiss is: *sigh* perfect. Slow, mostly lip (as opposed to tongue), shy.
177. The last three cd's I bought are: SPIN DOCTORS and I don't know what.
176. Last song that made me cry was: Probably Salt Sewer. Sam wrote it for me ages ago.
172. My most treasured possession(s) is(are): My stuffed animals.
170. What did you do last night: Ummm. OH! Circus for a long time, and dance.

:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::
143. Santa? YES!
142. Love at First Sight? I believe in something at first sight that can lead to love.
141. Luck? Sometimes. Not too seriously, but yeah ish.
140. Fate? Kind of the same as luck
139. God? No. But if I die and there is one, I won't be like OMYGOD. (Oh. Hah. Minus the irony.)
138. Aliens? Maybe
137. Heaven? Maybe
136. Hell? Maybe
135. Ghosts? Mayve
134. Horoscopes? No, but I like them anyway
133. Soulmates? YES.

:::::Which is Better?:::::
129. Hugs or Kisses? Depends on who's giving them. Hugs are wonderful from everyone, I don't want to be kissed by some people though. And other person I do...
128. Drunk or High? NEITHER! :D
127. Phone or Online: Phone
126. Red heads or Black hair: Redheads
125. Blondes or Brunettes: Brunnettes.
122. Coffee or tea: Iced tea, but Kate just recently introduced me to the yumminess of coffee sweetened with chocolate milk instead of sugar. It's good. I've had it once. I won't make it a habit, but it's nice.
121. Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
120. Night or Day: Day
119. Oranges or Apples: Depends on whether they're already cut for me. Oranges if they are, apples if they aren't.
118. Curly or Straight hair: Curly!

:::::Here's What I Think About:::::
116. Abortion: Pro-choice 100%. It would be good if we could ensure people would be responsible about it, I don't think it should be used as a form of birth control like condoms or the pill, but I think the option should always be there and federally regulated to keep it safe.
114. Parents: Made me, so there's not much to argue with.
110. School: High school? Eh. College is nice, though I am procrastinating and I SHOULDN"T BE.

::::Last time I:::
103.Last time I kissed someone: About two hours ago when Akira left. Latinos won't let you go without a kiss.
102. Last time I hugged someone: Um...did I hug Julia yet? If I did, then less than 15 minutes ago. If I didn't, then when I said goodbye to Akira.
101. Saw someone I haven't seen in a while: Well...hadn'-Okay, my last hug was just now. Jule's boyfriend came in and we just had a vicious hugging...uh. Thing. I think like...four bear hugs or so?

::::MISC::::
89. Who makes you laugh the most: Callum
87.One thing I'm mad about right now is: my procrastination.
86. last movie I saw in the theater was: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have no idea.
82. The thing I don't understand is: why action figures come with a bit of plastic that doesn't go anywhere. Hate. People who don't like to be touched. Piercings. Russian. Why on earth someone of any age would tolerate Barney. Why there's no 184, 183, 182, 181, 180, 179, 175, 174, 173, 171, 132, 131, 130, 124, 123, 117, 115, 113, 112, 111, 109, 108, 107, 106, 105, 104, 100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 91, 90, 88, 85, 84, 83, 79, 78, 69, 68, 66, 65, 64, 63, 60, 58, 57, 56, 55, 54, 52, 50, 49, 46, 43, 42, 41, 40, 39, 38, 37, 36, 34, 31, 29, 28, 25, 24, 23, 20, 15, 7, or 6, so in fact I will only answer 122 questions.
81. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: The way they smell
80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received: "idk." Although I know AJ's response to that would be "because".
76. This summer I am: Planning my study abroad, chilling out, working, maybe touring with circus.
75. Something I will miss when I leave home is: knowing what to do about love.
74. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: being in Sarah's arms this weekend.
73. Tomorrow: Class. That I might skip because I've never skipped class, and most people won't be there. And I could just as easily work on my projects.
72. Today: Woke up at 7:15 to do laundry, found an AWESOME pair of pants down there which I've claimed, classes, long lunch with people, dance, working on projects, Heroes, omlettes in the living room, and then the Daily Show.
71. Next Week: Lindsay and Jacob will be coming to my house, and then coming back to school for dance and FRANTICALLY WORKING.
70. Next Spring Break: CIRCUS! WHOO! And probably/maybe last minute dance rehersals.
67. People call me: by my name. Or "V"
62. The person who knows the most about me is: Sarah, Crystal, Lindsay, Enrique
61. The person that can read me the best is: Sarah, Crystal, Akira
59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: NOPE The numbering system is SO wrong on this.
53. The one person who can't hide things from me: Sarah, Enrique
51. Right now I am talking to: AJ, and Jule when she comes back in the room.
48. I have/will get a job: dance, Borders?
47. I have these pets: my friends.
45. The worst sound in the world: the girl across the hall's laugh.
44. The person that makes me cry the most is: the person I love most. So it goes.
35. Florida or Hawaii: Hawaiiiiii.
33. My favorite piece of clothing is: my new pants I found! My prom gowns. My jeans when they're a little baggy. My black shirt.
32. My favorite sport is: CIRCUS. :)
30. Last time I cried: I think two days ago, when I was laughing.
27. Last person I got mad at: Uhhh....I have no idea.
26. My worst drinking experience was: nonexistant. And not applicable.
22. The all-time best movie is: Garden State. Brice de Nice.
21.The all-time best thing in the world is: Love.
19. The most annoying thing ever is: fake people, that girl's laugh, having an itch, but you're not sure exactly where it is.
18.The most annoying person you know is: probably me on occasion. Enrique when he tries.
17. I lose all respect for people who: are close minded.
16. The movies I have cried at are: HAHHAHAA. Okay: Bambi, Land Before Time, Finding Nemo, Pay it Forward, Garden State, Girl, Interrupted, Rent, Click, Harry Potter and the one where Cedric dies, Say Anything, The Little Mermaid...uhhh...I can't even think of the rest.
14. TV show you watching: Heroes in an hour and a half.
13. Favorite web site: PICTURES
12. I want to be: a mommy, hand-balancer, more flexible dancer, long haired fairy
11. The worst pain I was ever in was: heartache.
10. My favorite phrase: I LOVE YOU!
09. My room has: stuff in it.
8. My favorite celebrity is: Natalie Portman
5. My weakness is: people being charming. Love. Kids. An axe through the head.
4. What turns me on is: ....how graphic is this supposed to be? Skin, my neck being touched, a certain someone, certain sounds, heat.
3. Who broke your heart: Humadum. Duh.
2. I filled out 200 questions because: it's better than reading Irish poetry audnaseum.
1. What do you regret most: Uh. I don't know? Probably that I didn't get out of certain situations as smoothly as I could have in retrospect, and then I would have seemed awesome.

stupid sqt

ARE YOU:

1. A cuddler?: Absolutely
2. A morning person?: Ish. I'm not really morning or night.
3. Are you a perfectionist?: Yeah
4. An only child?: No
5. Catholic?: Not at all
6. In your pajamas?: I would like to be, and maybe I'll change.
7. Currently suffering from a broken heart?: Yeah, sorta.
8. Left handed?: No, but I can be.
9. Addicted to Myspace?: No
10. Shy around the opposite gender?: Not really

DO YOU:

11. Bite your nails?: No. Unless I absolutely have to because of a hangnail or something, but I'll never bite them low.
12. Get paranoid at times?: No.
13. Currently regret something that you have said?: Yeah, sort of? I'm not sure. I think yes, but then I realize that it might be worse if I hadn't said it.
14. Curse frequently when you get mad?: No
15. Enjoy country music?: Not at all
16. Enjoy jazz music?: Not really
17. Enjoy smoothies?: No
18. Enjoy talking on the phone?: Yeah
19. Have a lot to learn?: Sort of.
20. Have a pet?: No
21. Have a tendency to fall for the 'wrong' person?: No, I have good taste, I just can't seem to hold on to them for as long as I want to.
23. Have at least one sibling?: Yeah
24. Have been told that you are smart?: Yeah
25. Have a broken bone?: Nope
26. Have Caller I.D. on your phone?: Nope, room phones don't really work like that.

LAST PERSON WHO:

1. Slept in your bed besides you?: I think maybe Lindsay? Ages ago...
2. Saw you cry?: Enrique, I think. First I thought Akira or Lindsay, but that was crying over him, and then Enrique came to my room to check on me, and-yeah, Enrique.
3. You went to the mall with?: Woah. No idea.
4. You went to dinner with?: Lindsay and I just went out to lunch today.
5. You talked to on the phone?: Mom
6. Broke your heart?: *Sigh*. A sweet, skinny, freckled kid.
8. Made you laugh?: Eddie Izzard, I think. And Lindsay and Jacob laughing about it.

ARE YOU:
1. Simple or complicated?: Both, sometimes.
2. Hardcore?: Not really.
3. Tired?: Right now because I'm stressed out and have too much to think about.


DO YOU PREFER:
1. Flowers or candy?: Flowers
2. Grey or black?: Black, it's more decisive.
3. Color or black and white photos?: Both, depending on th ephoto.
4. Lust or Love?: Love, always love.
5. Sunrise or sunset?: I'm not sure. I think sunsets are prettier but I hate how it gets dark afterwards. Sunrises bright light and happiness.
6. M&Ms or Skittles?: M&M's, though I don't think I ever want to have candy again. It just seems so unappetizing.
7. Staying up late or waking up early?: A happy medium

DO YOU PREFER:
1. Sun or moon?: Sun
2. Winter or fall?: Spring.
3. Left or right?: Left
4. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: Yuck, I never want to think about food again. So full.

IN THE LAST MONTH, HAVE YOU:

1. Been hugged: Definitely
2. Felt stupid: Yeah, but not for a good reason! I hate people who make me feel dumb.
3. Missed someone: Yes, and so much.
4. Got drunk: Yuck no.
5. Been sick: Yeah, I think so? Heartsick definitely
6. Danced crazy: Yes
7. Gotten your hair cut: No
8. Cried: yeah

is it forever yet?

I like forever. I miss forever. Is it forever yet?

love ridden

Well. I can't be with him anymore. But someone I don't even know loves me. Thought I'd share:


Hey whats up?how is it gone? i was just browsing on myspace then i saw your profile,to tell you the fact you are very sweet and lovely Damn, its amazing just like the kind of woman i have been looking for and i guess this time we can start friendship or what do you think?? the very moment i saw your profile i had to stop and look through it,

the very first time i set my eyes on you i mean you yourself straight into your eyes i felt some kind of strange thing in me.Oh my God you know what?i'm a man that just can hide my feelings i hope you get that?and i want you to believe my words like you belived and trust your self have that in mind i mean all i say ok? i'm a black from West Africa like you can see clearly in my profile,

just hit me back.and i will also love to know if a pretty lady like you will have yahoo screen name or msn, so that we can talk better ,and i will really love to talk to you now if possible or anyday you can add me on this id (_____I'll respect the poor sucker's privacy__).......Reply soon ok?i'm Lil Zack By name
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Lil Zack


Whoo. It almost makes me feel better.

heartbreak in victoria city

You know there's something strange when your heart feels so hopelessly broken that the only thing you can think about is what a strangely different hurt it is from other heartbreaks. Not the deep, through your core, "I-can't-get-out-of-bed-or-breathe-or-live-ever-again", but more of a barbed hurt, where my heart is caught in thorns or a barbed wire and every move makes them cut more, and a sharp scratch all over.

That's probably actually a good sign in some senses. Cuz I'm okay right now. If I just don't think about it.

Well sooner or later this cold
it's gonna break
so our hands will be warm again,
but all I want is not to need you now.